Confessions of an almost 21-year-old

I have something very embarassing to admit.

I'm attracted to good looking guys with a good physique and great career.

And money and a nice car and amazing intellect.

I'm attracted to a great conversationist and I love the idea of being spoilt rotten with material things, to be wined, dined, listened to...

I know it's like soooo cliched and it's what only materialistic biatches want. right?

And every time I am tempted by what seems to be another one of those guys trying to pick up on me in a posh bar, at work (customers buying yet another set of egyptian cotton cushion covers all the way from HOMEWARE on the 3rd floor and paying for them on my counter in the boutique on the GROUND FLOOR? Ok maybe I'm super perasan [i dunno how to translate this malay word, somebody help - somehow all english translations i can think of don't quite have the same effect] but he gave me some really beautiful cream tulips and lilies so uhm...) or even when I'm just queueing up with the girls to pay for something. I think at this age, guys in their mid 20s and onwards are definitely more confident and predatory (diego insists on this word because 'love, all they want at the end of the day is to get laid') Also, they can afford to take a girl out. Hey it's hard being the guy ok, especially at the start of the relationship!

Even diego's mom told him when he was a teenager, don't get a girlfriend before you get a part-time job because you sure as heck aren't gonna get any extra allowance from me.

Even more embarassing is that I am warming up to the idea of an open relationship. I am actively resisting it of course because I believe in monogamy! It's just, well, I would like to say yes to a dinner invitation just once. I want to have gin-tonic or fruli with a nice moroccan meal (or whatever that's nice, i'm not a coinoisseur, french, chinese, mongolian, mexican, spanish tapas whatever). I want to not care that my bill is going to be at least 50 pounds because he's paying. woohooo!

I get like this because he's not around. I miss him soooo much!

And i'm trying to not be so materialistic. This verse in matthew 6 keeps me in focus.

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal. But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.